Australian Slang

... how to sound like a local ...

I'm hungry:

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."

"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."

"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."

"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."

"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

I'm thirsty:

"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."

"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."

"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."

"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."

"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."

I need to go for a pee:

"Gonna drain me dragon."

"My back teeth are floating."

"Need to syphon the python."

"Takin' the kids to the pool."

"I got to take a snakes hiss."

"Gotta go have a slash."

"Gonna go water a horse."

"I'm off to drain the main vein."

"Time to splatter the bladder."

"I'm dying for a piss so bad I can taste it."

"Shake hands with the wife's best friend."

I need to do a poo:

"I gotta go give birth to a politician."

"I'm takin' a stroll to the gravy bowl."

"It was like giving birth to Kim Beasley."

"Off to the bog to leave an offering."

"Time to snap off a grogan."

"Have to hang a brown bear in the porcelain cave."

"I'm gonna strangle a brownie."

"There's a brown dog barking at the back door."

"I'm going to give birth to your twin."

"Need to choke a brown dog."

"I've freed Nelson Mandela."

"Going for a Rodney."

"Taking out the garbage."

"I gotta back one out."

Vomit:

"Calling for George." (think about it)

"I was driving the porcelain bus this morning."

"I left him a lawn pizza."

"Toss a tiger on the carpet."

"Drop a kerbside quiche "

Insults:

"I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders."

"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"

"About as useful as tits on a bull."

"You must be the world's only living brain donor."

"She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard."

"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."

"May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down."

"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"

"Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery."

"Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"

"As ugly as a bucket of arseholes."

"If I had a dog that looked like him,I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards."

"Got a face like a bashed in shit can."

"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."

"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."

"I'll kick your bum till your nose bleeds!"

"A stubbie short of a six pack."

"Seen better heads in a piss trough."

"You're as handy as shit on a stick."

"Tighter than a fish's arse."

"So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him."

"Face like a smashed crab."

"As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp."

"He could talk a dog off a meatwagon."

"You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie."

"He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door."

"Mate, shes as rough as a pigs breakfast."

"Your face is like a twisted ugg boot."

"He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle."

"She's been hit with the fugley stick too many times."

"An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag."

"As ugly as a bag of spanners."

"You've got a head like a dropped pie."

"He thinks his shit doesnt stink, but his farts give him away."

"Fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down."

"Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deckchairs."

"As thick as two short planks!"

Yes:

"Does a fat dog fart?"

"Even Blind Freddy could see it."

"Is the Pope a Catholic?"

"Does a Koala shit in a gum tree and wipe his ass on a Cockatoo?"

"Does the Pope tuck his shirt in with a wooden spoon?"

"Bloody oath!"

"No wucking furries."

No:

"Pig's arse!!"